For us, it was a long time coming. My sweet, impulsive, talkative, emotional, and incredibly smart son struggled during Kindergarten and 1st grade, but it was really 2nd grade that sent him into a tailspin. I was constantly getting notes home or calls from his teacher or administrators. He was just always in trouble. He would come home in tears and ask why no one liked him. He would tell me that he didn't do the things he was getting trouble for. But I didn't know what to believe. Sometimes kids lie. Why would the adults in his school not be telling me the truth? It wasn't until the very end of the year that I saw the horrible truth about what was happening to my son. Another parent had been volunteering for an event in a different grade and told me that my son's desk was in the common area for 2nd and 3rd grade. She told me that he had been there all day. My son wasn't even aloud in the classroom? How was he learning? I immediately went into the school (only about 20 minutes early) and took my son home. I talked to him and found out that this wasn't an isolated incident. He spent a lot of time in the commons. I was furious. I was sad. I was disappointed. I decided to talk to another teacher in that commons to verify my son's story. It turns out, he wasn't lying. Some things made sense. Like why his teacher thought he was behind in reading even though he was reading books above his grade level with me. Some things just created more questions. Like how could the administration see this and not do anything? How could he be doing all these things he was getting in trouble for when he wasn't even in the classroom? But I didn't know what to do about it.
There had been a discussion of homeschooling when he was in 1st grade and struggling a little. But the discussion became far more real when I saw what was happening to my son. Unfortunately, it was the very end of the school year and this teacher was retiring so there wasn't really anything I could do. I had it on good authority that he was going to have an amazing teacher the next year so I gave public school one more chance.
For the record, my son's 3rd grade teacher was the absolute best teacher in the entire world. She was perfect for him! Plus, she and I had a great relationship. The things that happened to my son in 2nd grade, though, truly affected him. I didn't learn how much until I saw it for myself while he was in 3rd grade. In 2nd grade, he chewed on his pencils a lot. I bought him some extra ones for 3rd grade, thinking he would go through them faster than most children. He didn't chew on a single pencil! It turns out, he was so stressed in 2nd grade that he was destroying his pencils. That broke my heart. His 3rd grade teacher told me that she absolutely adored my son and that it made it truly sad that she constantly needed to remind him that he was wanted in her class. She told me he would apologize that she got stuck with him in her class. She was amazing though and would let him know that she specifically asked for him. And the cherry on top of the crap sundae his 2nd grade teacher left for us was when I watched a student walk into the classroom, push Owen, and then tattle that my son was pushing and shoving him. His teacher told me there was a lot of that at the beginning of the year, but she squashed it and said it wasn't going to happen in her class. So I thought my child was lying to me when he would say he didn't do something. I felt like the worst parent in the world. I didn't trust my own son! My one small relief from feeling like absolute garbage was how smart my child was. Not only was he NOT behind in reading, he was ahead. So far ahead, he was off the scale for 3rd grade. He was reading at a 6th grade level. And it wasn't just reading. He was good at everything. His teacher told me once that my son was the smartest kid she has ever taught.
It sounds like things got a lot better. Right? Well, kind of. All of those problems that happened in 2nd grade were still happening in some of his area classes (like music, p.e., and lunch). I was asked to have a meeting with some teachers and the administration. I was hopeful that this meeting might make some things clear to me as to why my child was having so many issues outside of his main classroom. Well, it was a crap storm. The "administration" that showed up was the assistant principal who thought that every child should be treated the exact same regardless of their emotional state. I understand where she's coming from to a point. But if you expect teachers to adjust their teaching styles to each individual child based on their learning abilities, why can you not have a plan in place for a child that isn't always emotionally able to handle a classroom? She was very negative the entire meeting and she was disrespectful for anyone who tried to stand up for my child. I left that meeting feeling defeated. At this point, my husband and I decided that we just couldn't do it anymore. We couldn't allow the public school system to fail my child any longer. We were going to start homeschooling in 4th grade.
I wish that was the end of my story. But clearly, it's not. A combination of my son saying he was being bullied (my words, not his) in the lunchroom and the assistant principal not letting him move away from that child and me actually witnessing her yelling at him to the point where he was almost in tears. Plus, a principal who just couldn't be bothered to be involved led me to pull my son before the year was over.
When I told the principal that my son would not be returning to that school for the remainder of the year or any year in the future, she was very judgmental. She told me I was making a mistake. She told me it only gets harder from here and that if I took him out, I was setting him up for failure. She told me that if he was having trouble socializing now, he would only suffer more if I took him out. She told me that I can't protect him forever. That really set me off. I told her that no matter what we decide for the future, I need to do what's best for my son. And what's best for him is to not think that every single person, including the adults, in his life hate him. What's best for him is to have people that will respectfully speak to him and not scream in his face. What's best for him is to learn in an environment where he can really flourish instead of having his smarts suppressed because it's more important to make sure that he stands in line quietly than to learn how to channel his creativity and energy into something great. So what I am completely sure of, is that what's best for my son, is to not be here in this school. It may work for most people, but clearly my son is not most people. And that's why we decided to homeschool.
Truthfully, I am so glad that most people will never have to have the same experience that I have had with public school. I truly believe that it works for most people. There are some amazing teachers out there and I hope that if your child is in public school, that they are blessed with as many great teachers as they can get! But just know that it's not for everyone. And people that homeschool their children are truly doing what they think is best for their kid.
